Happy 34th Birthday to Me
I am writing this as a 34 and 1 day old human being. I often try to blog on my Birthday, to give me a reflection on the year that was, and to help steady myself in the existential crisis of what exactly am I doing with my life?
Each day I realise I do not get younger, but as I was discussing with my friend James, I feel that each day has the potential to add value to my existence. There are subtleties to why I like this idea of “value added”, but on the surface I can feed my vanity and say I’m a 28 year old with significantly added value.
So what has value has my 34th year of life brought me?
I kicked off with a bit of a rocky start. There’s some family health things that are continuing. Fortunately my brother and I are closer than we’ve been for many years, and I’m remembering the value in the support and care of my family and how much I should and can now give back. Popping down to see them is not too much effort, and this is important to them and to me, even when I am busy.
In terms of being busy, I have realised that I always “seem busy”. There are more things that I want to do, that I want to see done, and more people I want to support and encourage to do their things than I simply have time for. This means that my busy face is ‘just a matter of priorities’ (ha ha!) and there is a balance of looking after myself tensioned with the idea that so many others have looked after and supported me, that I should aim to give back to others. I have come to terms with the idea that my giving back is not always reciprocal, as many of the reasons I have been helped along in my path are because people shared wisdom, time, and advice to help me find direction without the expectation that they themselves would benefit.
In terms of maximising the value added of my journey, I’m pretty terrible at saying no. In part because many of these things I get to do are so much fun and they stretch the sense of who I am, and enable me to engage with new people, new audiences, and listen to so many other valuable voices. In my 35th year, I’ve a last hurrah on my Royal Academy of Engineering Research Fellowship, so lots of travel planned, but it’s probably about time I came up with another five year ‘plan’ for my life.
A few highlights of this year (eek — I have to scan my diary to remember): I hosted the UK EBSD conference (I caught up with so many friends, and watched students and staff in the group present awesome talks); I gave a talk in LGBT history month on being LGBT+ in STEM; I was recognised as an gay atomic wizard genius (which swept out beyond my usual social circles and has reconnected me with some old friends); I watched The Inheritance Part 1 and 2; I graduated another cohort of talented and engaging MSc students; Suki, Jim and Tianhong defended their PhDs; I helped make a video to showcase why hexagonal materials are fantastic and important; I continued to work to help Pride in STEM; and I helped form TIGERS who are working to champion change for equality, diversity, inclusion and accessibility in STEMM.
A few low lights of this year (now for these I do not have to check the diary): I was binned from the promotion process at the first (Departmental) round; I didn’t get put through for more than substantive grant; numerous papers have been rejected during peer review (I think we have two that need sorting, and three more have been resubmitted); a major grant proposal (CDT) was rejected by EPSRC; I was technically homeless & living with a friend (thank you Carol!) for a month and had really bad flu just after New Years (all sorted now!); I went to two funerals, one for a young colleague and one for an older one — both of which give you pause to think; I have been rebuffed by the IOM3 about age & career status; I have been rebuffed by a conference on diversity issues.
In terms of personal development, there remains a strong risk that I put work too far ahead of my personal life, maintaining and sustaining friendships, and general life admin. It’s something I’m going to have to continue to work on, as I recognise that there is much more to life than work. I think this will make me question more whether the exciting opportunities I get involved with are truly worth my time and energy, because a bit of self care is also worth it. Also, it is fun to hang out with friends.
